The Reality of Being Attractive

Lately I've been dealing with something that has personally plagued me for years. And that is... I have been told I look like actress/singer Mandy Moore. Not once, or twice, but hundreds of times. Random people will come up to me and say "Did you know you look like Mandy Moore?"... No of course not, I've only heard it dozens upon dozens of times. Do I think she's beautiful? Yes. Do I think she looks like me... still not convinced.

However it did start me down and interesting road of thought. And what I found was quite interesting. Being attractive has its rewards. Not only do people treat prettier people better, we pay them more money than their equals who are  not so attractive.  I guess "it pays to be beautiful," afterall.  Companies that are hiring want to have attractive people representing them because as a whole we the public TRUST and LIKE pretty people more.  

I studied some psychology in college...we were taught about the "Halo effect". Studies have shown that we associate attractiveness with a whole bunch of other characteristics that have nothing to do with being attractive. Say for instance ...trustworthiness, or kindness. These are personality traits that are completely separate from your looks. We also believe these good looking people have more money, have successful careers, have nice families, and are all around more happy than those who aren't as good looking. Which makes absolutely no sense. I know a ton of attractive people who aren't perfect in any sense of the word. Hot people can be just as miserable as ugly people. Don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise. And I know plenty of girls who are gorgeous and model thin who think they're fat and ugly. So it just goes to show you even with all the extra attention some people don't even know how good looking they really are.

So there is my rant about that.

With love, red wine & girl scout cookies

-K

Single vs. Taken

I am currently in a relationship. We've been dating for 6 months, but we've known each other for 11 years now. I'm head over heels about him. Before him and I starting dating I went on a TON of dates. Nothing ever seemed to work out. Too old. Too young. Too clingy. Too insecure. Too boring. Too attractive (yes that is a real problem). For the record dating is a full time job. I found all of these guys, on my own. I sought them out, they didn't find me. So when my guy showed up I was absolutely estatic. He's everything and more. So of course when we finally started calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend... all the guys started flocking.

So why is it that the second you become taken everyone wants you?

It's simple. Being in a relationship takes all the pressure off. You no longer have to worry about finding at date to functions or going solo to a bar or making sure you always look your absolute best. You don't have freak out about impressing people and you can just be yourself. When you're taken you exude confidence. And if it's a really fulfilling relationship then you also are gonna be happy and in a good mood most of the time. They come off more appealing than single people who can sometimes come off as too needy or even just sad.

Friends despite all the attention you get in a new relationship... don't be tempted. I'm totally against cheating and think it's the biggest and easiest way to ruin a relationship. To make an analogy because I love analogies... Trust is like a vase. It is fragile and when broken  it can be mended, but the pieces will never fit together like they once were. 

And on that note.
Let the trust be with you.

Peace and hippies.
xo K

No one is Perfect

I was having a dicussion the other night with one of my good friends from college. She happened to be in the area so we went out for drinks. Ironically at the same bar/ club that I went to back in June with my friend C. So anyway I was talking to her about a lot of things. Trying to catch up mostly.
But we got on the interesting topic of EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE.

No one is perfect. Everybody has a past. Everyone has baggage. People deal with it differently. Take for example me. You could say I have "daddy issues." My father pretty much had me replaced when he remarried. His new wife brought a 2 year old daughter into the relationship from a previous marriage. He has since relinquished any personal responsibility he left towards me when I was about 17 years old. Do I wish things were different? Yes. Do I wish I had a relationship with my father? Yes. But I don't dwell on it. It is what it is. And I am adamant about finding a guy one day, who will never put my future kids in the situation I am in with my father.  So there it is.

But I'm not the only one with problems. I know tons of people who have it worse, or in fact have it better but believe they have it worse. For instance: Loving and supportive family. Parents are still together and love each other. Siblings all get along. But he feels he was pushed to hard to succeed. Made to take private lessons, take on loads of school work, do and participate in any and all extra curriculars that it might take to get into an Ivy League school such as Harvard, or Princeton. He never wanted to disappoint anyone. Especially his parents. And while I look at the situation and say I wish my dad cared half as much about me as both his parents care about him, he would disagree.

So I guess everyone wants what they don't have. People that don't have fathers want one. People with over protective parents want less protective ones... and the list goes on. I've fought with this for a long time, but I honestly believe that parents (and not all parents, but the majority) do the best they can. There is no manual. No "This is how to raise the perfect child who won't be screwed up in the head". Sometimes I don't think parents get enough credit. Children require a lot. A lot of time, energy, sacrafices. Things I won't be able to fully understand until I have kids of my own. And I hope that when that time comes they realize I did the best I could for them.

As always its been a pleasure.
xo

-K

You've got a friend in jealousy

You don't realize how much you have invested in your friendships until there is the possiblity of losing them. Everyone has lost a friend at some point or another in their lives. For me my first lost friendship was B. She was sort of the popular girl and I emulated her. Her and I were best friends throughout my childhood. Then B discovered boys and the "popular crowd". And needless to say that friendship faded as we progressed into our teenage years. Sometimes its falling out of touch. Which seems easier to handle. Easier to deal with. Easier to get over.

I had the fortune of having more than one bestfriend. When B was no longer around I had A and N. Both have been amazing friends...each with their fair share of ups and downs. (I hang out with each separately for the most part. And when we're all together, I don't favor one over the other).


N's story.
Met when we were 5.
Mrs.F's kindergarten class.
Both best friend's with B, and both had a falling out with her. IRONY.
Became good friends when we sat next to each other in senior year Math class. I was going through my parents divorce and she had been through something similar years before. Long story short... she moved to California to be with her Marine fiance. Miss her lots.

A's story.
Met when we were 12.
Seventh grade Social Studies.
Set her up with her boyfriend of 6 years... who is no longer her boyfriend. Our friendship went through a rough time because of this guy. Not only was he boring but he HATED me.  When I had set them up I barely knew him, and he hadn't yet come to hate me. He hated me for being a BAD influence on A. Yeah Okay. If you call "bad influence" not putting up with people's shit then yes I was. Anyway... He  eventually came to end their lack luster romance over the phone from somewhere in Europe where he was vacationing. I mean I've been dumped over facebook after a month of dating but after 6 years... you'd think the guy would have a little more class. Regardless... A had missed out on having fun in college because her guy was a party pooper. Literally. So she went ape shit and made lots of friends.

So yes... as you have rightfully guessed. The bigger issue at hand is A.
I have no problem with my best friends having other friends... Hell! I made lots of new friends at college. But I will always have something special with my original best friends.

Jealousy is not something I like to admit to. It's something in the past that I had strictly associated with a particular boyfriend who was a one of a kind cheater. But I am genuinely jealous of my best friend A having a new best friend. I am 22 years old. This is absolutely ridiculous. Believe me, I know. Who cares? Well, I have known A for 10 years now, this new girl has known her for maybe a year. They do everything together and A seems to have more fun with her. It seriously bugs me when she's around because I feel like I'm competing. They post tons of stuff onto facebook about being bestfriends and inside joke stuff. It's almost vomit worthy. I have NEVER felt like this before about a friend.

The other day I came across the picture above. And it perfectly describes how I feel.  It's like she spends all her time with this new girl. When she's around it's like I don't exist. Is this some innate animal instinct I'm having? I realize how crazy and insecure it is to be jealous of my friend A's new friend. But I get entirely too pissed off about it. And when that happens I tend to address the situation like an adult and ignore it. 

Time to branch out?
Guess I need some new friends.
fuckmylife.

Until next time.
-K

Drunk Vibrations

So the time has come for me to write the first entry to my blog. I have been mulling this over for about a week now with absolutely no clue how to start. I suppose I should just stick to a scripted topic of some kind like other bloggers I know. But what is the fun in that? So here I am, about to devulge to you the ridiculousness of my life.

I recently graduated college. And like many other college graduates I have fallen under the unfortunate circumstances of moving back in with the parentals...

So the other night I decided that it had been too long since I had had a decent night out. I invited my best friend, C, from high school to go out to a local club. And when I say club... well, that is a very loose term. Let me paint you a picture. We get there expecting to see a line out the door. No line. The bouncers look like they're napping. But we park and strut up to the front of the building, both of us wearing obnoxiously high black stillettos. The club is empty. The bar has a few middle aged men and women, who aren't even trying to hide the fact that they're staring at us. Throwing back a few drinks we get lost in conversation, forgetting that we're in this "club" surrounded by people our parents' age. So we're sitting on our barstools and one of the bartenders who we had been oogling over comes around behind us. I am in shock. Is he coming over to talk to us because he's interested? "Excuse me ladies, I need to clear those barstools". AW whatthefuck. I slipped off my stool utterly embarrassed as he ushered the stools to the back room.

Things got going around 12:30AM. That's when people started dancing, so that being the reason I came to the "club", we made our way to the dance floor to shake... what our mothers gave us. It wasn't long before I saw two creepers on the move. Like lions hunting gazelles they moved through the crowd toward us. They were definitely European, like off the boat European. The blond was the more attractive of the two and of course he wrapped his arms around C. His ugiler brunette friend seemed to be stuck with me by default. I wasn't about to be rude, so we danced until he started to get a little too touchy feely. I stepped back so there was more than a foot between us and after about a minute he had vanished and was replaced by a scarier version of himself. The new guy leaned in, "I'm his cousin, he had to leave for a minute". REALLY? The ugly dude just passed me off to his even uglier cousin. hell no.

 I  lean in, "I'm not trying to dance, I'm gonna go to the bar".
"Baby, let me come with you".
"Yeah, no thanks."

I turn to leave and my friend looks like she is having her face eaten by the blond.  I remove myself from the dance floor and watch C, who has reached her alcoholic limit , if not surpassed it. I, on the other hand was stone cold sober, seeing as I was the taxi tonight. Then C ran off the dance floor headed toward the bathroom, so I waited outside. 15 minutes later still no C. My phone vibrates. I get three texts in a row from her:

Where the fuck are hou???
G son, please? Im so drunk and he kpet buying me drinks
Trying to fcuk me in the dsnce floor? Tstes like coffegrounds andcigeaeettes

My phone vibrates. She's calling me. "C, are you still in the bathroom?"
"Yeah an Imma superr drunk"
"You're not sick right?"
"Nooooo, I'm juss peeein"

I grab her as she stumbles out of the bathroom, mumbling gibberish. I pull her through the crowd towards the exit. She stops and I turn to look at her, C's face looks like she saw a ghost. "Ohmygod, that's the guy I saw earlier today, but I don't know his name. He's sooooo cute". She runs over to talk to him and I follow. As it turns out this guy and his friends were a year above us in high school and I vaguely remembered all of them.

We're finally in the car and I turn to C, "What happened with those guys? They just walked away..."
"I KNOW RIGHT?! I THINK HE WASN"T INTERESTED. I MIGHT HAVE SCARED HIM OFF."
"Why are you yelling?"
"BECAUSE I'M SO ANGRY!!"

The Grand Finale to the night....
The windows were open in my car as I was driving C back to her house. There was a very potent smell wafting in through the windows. And she says "What's that smell? Smells like that blond guy".
"Um C...that's a skunk"

Love taking care of my drunk friends.
Until we meet again.

K